Whose name was Slippery Simon Smith
They were always holding hands
Throughout the seven lands
There was nobody he'd rather be friends with
One day in the Fall just after the Butterfly Ball
They happened upon Barron Bully Biff
His arms were stacked like lumber and he began to number
The reasons he detested Slippery Simon Smith
"His breath is rank like fish
And I have but one wish
To churn his tail like butter
Til its stiff as a tugboat rudder
Yes, otters are bad and this one is worse by far
You could not possibly ever, not even in December
choose a much worse friend even if pickled with sand and tar!"
The otter began to shake and tremble
like a windblown poppy petal
about his webby hands and wrists
There could be no mistaking
that a plan Smith was making
to run far away from Barron Bully Biff
But who should then utter
but Fudge Fickle Fodder
the words that gladdened Slippery Simon Smith
"How dare you good sir!
How dare you indeed?
How dare you ask me
Which friends I secede?
For friends are not chosen,
like lime-green lederhosen
A friend is there whenever you're in need!
A friend is joy
A friend is mirth
A friend is great as the whole wide Earth
So do not cause superfluous alarm
As if you mean to do him harm
For let me tell you Barron Bully Biff
You can be our friend too
And no one will ever bully you
Because you'll be friends with Slippery Simon Smith."
So Fudge Fickle Fodder and that strange little otter
Held out their hands to Barron Bully Biff
And sandwiched in between them
For all the world to see then
was their new best friend
Barron Bully Biff