"Too much green cheese." said Olive.
The mist sniffs the girl head to toe. "Did you warn her what happens to the enormous human brain when too much green cheese is inhaled? They don't use most of that brain, and once all those brain cells are awakened by the green cheese...well, who knows what might happen!" The saffron mist backs away.
"You just startled me is all. What's all this talk about green cheese?" I ask.
"Some call it magic. Perhaps it is more of an opiate. Others call it inspiration. Where you come from it no longer exists, except in hidden places, where it is either guarded or lost. On the moon it is our atmosphere. It recycles every Golden Faire." said the Flying Man.
Olive looks at her watch and approaches me. "It has been an honor to guide you but there are others who need my skills. If you need my services in the future, just call for me. I will be there in time." After a brief embrace and a wink of the eye, Olive retreats into the party and is gone.
"There are some things I need to attend. You are our guests. As the mist stated, anything you need will be yours. Mingle, laugh, dance, sing and enjoy the Golden Faire. I will be back before it is over to discuss a very important event with you. No...no, not now. I will speak with you again soon." With that, the Flying Man leaped into the air and flew out of sight.
"Well I guess we should mingle. I am not really a fan of big crowds. Let's find a less busy nook where we can sit down for a moment and just watch for a bit." I said.
"There's a table in the back with a large niche near a window where I can stretch myself out and enjoy the festival." said my Lamassu.
We make our way to the table. Everything is decked in gold, bronze and silver. Uncountable jewels are sprinkled in the chandeliers. The music seems to evolve to the mood of the guests, once lively, then soft, then sensual. My Lamassu's nostrils flair at the scent of baked delights of every kind. I realize I am famished. We grab a few things to eat on our way to the table and collapse in a lump. "It has indeed been a very long day!"
"All the amazing food you could have and you choose a plateful of cookies?" I say.
"I like cookies! I want to compare them to my own creations!" said my Lamassu.
While I sink into the velvet cushions I am entranced by dancers in elaborate dress, with beautiful masks using floor, ceiling and airy places in between as they bow and sway in elegant embraces. Elsewhere creatures of every shape, color and size compete in contests of skill and cunning. I laugh as a pink elephant with six legs balances on an egg and throws darts with his trunk at a bundle of balloons that move out of the way just in time. The dart strikes a cake which deflates with a loud flatulent burst. The air is charged with a power beyond anything I have ever felt. I feel anything is possible. As I watch I notice creatures from storybooks are quite common, but what draws my attention are the numerous beings that seem half-finished, as if a mad artist started out on a masterpiece of absurdity only to wander off before complete.
"They arrre called figments." I look over my shoulder to the sound of the purring voice. A piece of cookie my Lamassu was gorging herself on falls onto my plate. The plate wipes itself off and walks over to sit next to Archie who is watching the Faire from the edge of the table.
An ordinary black house cat is resting on the half of the cookie still held by my Lamassu. The cat is rubbing an herb all over his face and snorting heavily.
"Did you want some of my catnip? It helps to take the edge off afterrr a long day of prrrowling."
"No, that is quite alright. There are plenty of other delights to try here."
"Arrre you suurrre? Catnip will help you unrrrravel the univerrrse. If you snorrrt it, you will have a puurrfect underrrstanding of everrrything".
"What did you mean about the figments?"
"Figments arrre crrreatuuurrres from the imagination of small childrrren, madmen, and philosopherrrs. Beforrre figments became matuuurrrre mythological crrreaturrres orrr beloved favorrrites frrrom grrreat novels, they werrre left unfinished."
"That sounds so sad. I wish I could help them."
The cat slinks down the arm of the Lamassu and pours itself into a bowl that should be far too small to hold it, all the while rubbing the catnip all over itself. When the cat has settled into his new setting, he answers.
"Most of the figments have adjusted well. They serrrve as butlerrrs, waiterrrs, and politicians. Do take carrre arrround the figments crrreated by madmen. They arrre unprrredictable and can be dangerrrous."
"How do I know the difference between the well adjusted and the dangerous figments?"
"You can't."
Shouts of amazement draw my attention away from the cat. A small crowd has gathered to watch as a creature promises to perform feats of fitness never witnessed before. I start to excuse myself when I hear the clattering sound of metal. I turn my head in time to see Archie, who had been watching the events unfold from the edge of the table, get launched twenty feet in the air; a cat paw the catalyst.
"Aaaaaaaaaaah" Archie screamed.
Lightening quick, my Lamassu catches Archie before he hits the ground and places him back on the table next to the plate who was talking to him.
"Why did you do that?"
The cat purrs while his tail switches to its own beat. "Sometimes I am so puuuerrrile! No puuurrrpose orrr malice I assuuurrre you. My apologies, sometimes the catnip goes strrraight to my head and everrrything seems so puuurrrfectly funny."
"Its not funny to harm others...ever."
The cat pulls off its tail and swats furiously at it. He jumps up and down on the detached tail for several moments. Finally he puts his tail back on, gives one indignant look back at us, snorts a little catnip and prances off without another word.
"Thanks for looking out for me." said Archie.
"Friends always look out for each other." I said.
"Did that nasty cur harm you my spoonful of sugar?" asks the plate.
"I'm fine, it would take more than a swat from a cat to twist my handle." Archie said.
"Oh you are so tensile. Let me polish your metal. We could find a nice tablecloth to get lost in together." She said.
"A talking plate. Well we really have seen everything now!" said my Lamassu.
"I'm not a plate silly bird, I'm a hot dish and Archie is a sweet silver service spoon. Together we are a beautiful set." She said.
The enormous crowd nearby distracts me and I try to pick Archie up to put in my purse so he can see all the action but he shakes his head in refusal.
"Thanks young Miss. You have been a boon companion and helped me achieve my dreams of attending the Golden Faire and now my dreams are to elope with this attractive and scalding hot dish." Said Archie.
"I wish you happiness!" I said. We hug and then I head over to see what is exciting everyone. My Lamassu finishes the last cookie and follows. The crowd has gathered around a fiddle with enormous biceps.
"Step right up folks, don't be shy. I will perform a feat of strength never before witnessed by the blind or even those with vision...infrared, x-ray or normal spectrum. As you can see this is an ordinary 50 ton barbell. I bet most of you think you can lift it. I wonder though, how many of you can lift it with your eyebrow? I will lie down on the marble floor and my lovely assistants will place the barbell on my face. Once they set the barbell on my face, I have about six seconds to lift the barbell with my eyebrow and toss it aside before the weight will crush my rare tropical wood exterior and I will never be able to play a jig again."
The fiddle lies down on the floor. Two big purple gorillas grab an end of the barbell and position it over the face of the fiddle. He nods. They set the barbell on his face and immediately begin beating a drum in rapid fashion. The crowd moves in for a closer look. I move in too, eager to see how the fiddle performs this feat. Just as it appears the fiddle will fail and meet a sad end, a wave of golden energy flows over him from the room, his eyebrow bulges and with a flinch the barbell is launched at incredible speed right at me. There isn't time to duck.
"Its not possible!"
"She must not be human!"
"Abomination, that's what she is!"
"We should throw her out of the Golden Faire!"
"She should be banished from Cinereo to the in-between!"
"Make her eat the cookies!"
"Grab her!!!"
My eyes flutter open to the sight of satyrs, unicorns and walking woks among myriad other indescribable creatures hovering over me. I am surrounded by a huge pool of sticky red liquid. My Lamassu roars in my defense which serves to back the crowds for the moment. I sit up, but feeling dizzy do not attempt to stand.
"What happened?" I ask.
"The barbell struck you and mushed your head into the marble floor and then a wave of golden light rushed over you." said my Lamassu.
"But if that happened, I would be dead...not talking to you!"
"Look around you. The evidence is right there. You were deader than a door nail just a minute ago! I was beside myself with tears!"
A group of door nails look at us with indignant sneers. "We are not dead...or deader than anything. Don't smear our reputations! SHE is the dead girl!"
The crowd rushes back in. Some are threatening to bring tar and feathers. Some want to fetch torches. A single blue orb silently streaks in from the crowd. As the crowd advances it grows in size and flutters bright red. The crowd stops, then advances again. Now two blue orbs hover near me. Three. Dozens and dozens of blue orbs form a shield around me. The room fills with an intense blaze of radiant golden light.
"She is protected by the muses!"
"I thought there were only nine of them?"
"If the muses protect her, we must obey them."
At that moment, the Flying Man returns to the room, landing in the middle of the protective circle.
"ENOUGH! The girl is our guest. The muses protect her. She has activated the Throne of Silence and the Golden Faire has accepted her. We should be more civil!"
"But she came back from the dead! Humans are not immortal!!" said a lone satyr.
"We will take her to the Old Man. He will decide what shall become of our guest. The infusion of golden light is a sign that the Golden Faire will continue. I suggest you answer its call." said the Flying Man.
With gentle hands, he lifts me to my feet. The dizziness has past, but I am still a bit vague on what has transpired. I find myself and my Lamassu lifted off the ground by thousands of tiny blue orbs. I sense they are not trying to harm us. As we pass, all the denizens of the Golden Faire bow low. As we leave, the Golden Faire returns to its previous frenzy.
I know I was eager to meet the Old Man before I got to the Moon, but now that I am about to have an audience with him, I am nervous. What if he doesn't like me? What if he decides I should be punished? This isn't the dream I had imagined. Feeling resolute, I decide to go out fighting if necessary, even if all I have to aid me is my will and my friends, I will be strong.
Whatever lies ahead, I will never forget the Golden Faire.
-The Old Man--