- My Psionic powers reach well past 60 feet
- I speak Elven, Dwarven and Troll
- Alice Cooper comes to me for fashion tips
- I like my Owlbear baked with lots of cumin and garlic (tastes like chicken).
- I used to work for the dark side but quit when they wouldn't give me my own star destroyer.
- I know where the hidden treasure is. Send me $10,000 and I will tell you how to get there (be warned, no one has ever returned).
- I have looked into the Abyss. No cookies there.
- A genie once granted me three wishes. Never tell a genie you want a re-do.
- I found the fountain of youth once, but I didn't have correct change and it wouldn't give me back my dollar!
- I have strange dreams.
- I have a familiar. He is currently for sale.
- I have a warp drive and a Tardis. I locked one inside the other and forgot where I put the key.
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Looking out of the corner of my eye, I found it was quite easy to follow the trail to Cinereo. The path itself was smooth, devoid of large rocks and craters and rather dull. There was no breeze, and no sound other than the rhythmic movements of Olive and my Lamassu. The landscape is gray. Everything is gray. Faint, I hear a musical quality to the dust which pulls me in its direction...Odd, really considering the utter lack of wind. The symphony playing on the dusty wind is so beautiful. In the back of my mind it is familiar. I want to fly, dance and sing, but the sound of the wind cautions me to be silent. I become less aware of the frantic voice in the background. When did it start? It must be my imagination!
Soon, I find the source of the choir of chalky dust. I pass between two great mounds of dust. Before me is a chamber of such beauty as I am certain no eyes have glimpsed before or since. Walls of glittering crystal project their multi-colored light in a dazzling dance of delightful patterns. The softest curtains of plush velvet brush lightly against the walls producing a dulcet melody most welcome. Eager, I rush inside the chamber and imagine I have fallen asleep. In my dream I am flying home. "Oh, poo-pah and whatever shall I do", said the Lamassu to no one in particular. "Wake up my girl! Wake up! Tell me what to do! Oh dear me, me dear, whatever shall I do? Help! Help us"! Lost in dreams and linked to her girl, the Lamassu had followed quiet as a shadow. She lost track of how long they had walked, focusing all of her energy on keeping the girl in sight. The girl paused for a moment, then rushed down some steps into a deep pit. Faster than the Lamassu could whimper out a plea to stop the girl lay down in the center of the pit fast asleep. Nothing she tried seems to wake the girl. Without warning a series of stone blocks fall over the opening to the pit entombing the two of them inside. "Those rocks laughed, just as they fell. I am sure of it"! Dust and debris pour into the cracks between the rock and the laughter from the rocks is muffled, then silent. The gray twilight sky is no longer visible above them. "Oh dear girl, please wake up"! The dust on the floor of the pit reacts to the plea, flowing up from below like churning water. It is all the Lamassu can do to keep the sand from covering the girl's prone form. Soon the dust has risen past the Lamassu's knees. She lifts the girl onto her shoulder to keep her from asphyxiating on dust. Starting deep in the belly, resonating through the chest and bellowing out through the wide open orifice of the great beast, the Lamassu bellows forth a roar of such magnitude that people on Earth, momentarily paused their activities, as in question as to the nature of the sound they heard. "GRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOORROOOOOOOOOOAAAAAARRRRRRRRR" bellowed the Lamassu with all her might. The rocks above shook, shattered and fell on the great Lamassu with a mighty death knell, pummeling her flesh. Battered, she leaped with all her might. At the apex of her leap one particularly large rock launched itself at her, shrieking as it struck her on the head. The Lamassu fell with a loud thud into the surrounding dust, her last act kept the girl safely protected from the worst of the fall, nestled on top of the mighty beast. "I told her not to tarry. I told her not to stray from the path"! Olive looked back and forth from its pocket watch to the prone form of the girl and the battered Lamassu. They were comfortably resting on the finest bedding available. The room was artificially bright, however the source of the light was not apparent. The old man had come as soon as he heard the Chimera's wail. He found the girl and the Chimera and brought them to this place, Olive in tow. "The creatures from in between are a mischievous and dangerous lot. We are fortunate the girl's Chimera is so bonded to her. If the Chimera had failed to follow the girl, she would be lost to us". "Can you save them" asked Olive. "The girl is strong. She will recover. As for the Chimera, that depends on the girl and how much she has grown". He bent over the girl, almost hovering and whispered in her ear, "Anything is possible just think it and it's true Make your dreams reality sure as the sky is blue Reach for the stars before the afternoon Find what's in your heart your time has come". Her breath quickened at the sound of his voice and her eyes began to flutter. With a start, she bolted upright. "I thought it was all over". When her eyes opened she saw the impatient rock Olive starring at its watch. "And it would have been if not for your creature's fierce roar! Why didn't you listen to me? All you had to do was follow instructions"! "Oh Olive, it was not your fault. I was lulled by the tedium of the terrain. Then I heard a magical sound. I followed it. There was the most fantastic palace filled with the loveliest tones and the most splendid of lights. I remember feeling very tired. I dreamed this was all over and I was back home doing homework". Olive looked down at its pocket watch unable to find any words to rebuke her with. "NO! What has happened to my sweet Lamassu"? "It appeared she was injured defending your from the creatures in-between". "Will she live"? "She needs you for that". "What can I do"? "The creature was there when you needed her, be there for her". I walk over to my Lamassu's bed. Her breathing is heavy and she is a mass of bruises. Gently, I climb up into her bed and slowly begin to pat her. "Don't give up my friend. You are very important to me. You have a voice like thunder. You can fly, walk to the moon, and swim in the ocean. You can save foolish girls from their folly. You bake the most wonderful cookies! We have many more adventures to go on. You are by far, the best Lamassu ever. You are so incredible, why...you can even heal your own wounds. Now show me what you are made of and get up and give me a hug"! The Lamassu's breathing because stronger and steady. Within a few moments her bruises were no longer swollen. Then they were gone. First one eye opened and then the other. She stretched one wing wide and then the other. Deep down from her chest came a marvelous yawn. Then a smile appeared that grew faster each moment. "My friend, I see you have survived and are well! Let me give you a hug, then we must go. I want to see Cinereo before you are full grown"! We hugged for a long time and then apologized once more to Olive. "Dear Olive, will you still lead us on the Cinereo to see the Golden Faire"? Olive looked at her watch and then looked at the girl. "There is still time to do it. Please stay on the path. Remember, sometimes what you imagine to be dull, tedious and slow, may be exactly what is needed. The line between adventure and doom is often a matter of good judgment". "We will take your advice. Fear not. That last experience is not one we need to repeat anytime soon! We left the healing tent. When I looked back, it was gone. We shrugged, and followed Olive down the path, focusing out of the corner of our eyes. We told jokes, spoke of dreams, cookies and friendship. The time passed much faster. Soon we arrived. Cinereo was something I hadn't thought possible. I shall do my best to describe what happened next, but I am not certain I have the skill, nor that anyone will believe me. -- Invitation to the Golden Faire-- The question came sudden
Caught me unaware. Is a Conservative a Conservative he said with a glare Is a Conservative Conservative across this great land? What if he comes from a less Conservative brand? What if he comes from New Jersey, why should we care? Will he steal their retirement plans all in a bunch? Will he take away their disaster relief? Will he take their free lunch? Will he make up a budget, and make it up quick? Do it without formulas, lickety-split? Can he quote from the Bible like good Christians should? Can he make his own verses and make them up good? Can he shoot a live turkey with finesse and flair? Can he shoot his old six shooter up in the air? I do not believe he's as Conservative as me! He lives in New Jersey, not the land of the free. No, Conservatives must come from a place far from there. A place with no taxes or a place with big bears. A Conservative must come from a place that is fun. A place with low wages, over-baked from the sun. A Conservative must come from where Americans come. A place with no future, a place that is dumb. Hand in hand, whistling a random tune we stride forth, ever closer to our crater-pocked destination. I look over to my Lamassu who is trying to decide whether to walk backward or forward and rather absently I say to her,
"Walking is a wonderful way to clear the mind," "Hmmm? How so? What I mean to say is what do you mean by a clear mind? Isn't a clear mind transparent and doesn't that suggest rather empty?" "Well I suppose that is what I mean. The mind becomes empty of things it does not need". "Oh dear! How do you know you will not need them"? "I am talking about anxious thoughts, ones that make one nervous". "Perhaps we should stop walking. I think you gave your nervous thoughts to me. I feel bad for them. Those anxious thoughts might feel unwanted, wandering around outside your head with no explanation as to why they have been evicted! Does it hurt when your head gets full"? "Lamassu, no one has ever suggested my head is full, nor does it hurt. It is a simple expression. I am relaxed. Happy. But I must ask, what are you doing"? "I am walking to the moon". "Yes, but you are looking back and not forward. You are walking backward"! "I am experimenting. Has anyone ever walked to the moon before? How should one do it, forward or backward, sideways or stagger-stepped? Would dancing to the moon still be the same as walking? I have to know". "If you walk backward to the moon, you will miss the experience of seeing it for the first time, only knowing where you have been and not where you are going". "You are wise indeed"! Moving forward is the mode for the day". My Lamassu spins completely around. Realizing she is in the exact position she started she spins half around and with a mighty roar shouts, "Behold! We are here"! "Of course we are here. We can't be there. We haven't gone there yet" "You are wise beyond words. What I meant to declare is I think we have arrived at the moon"? "How did you come to that conclusion, Lamassu"? "Well for one, there are craters". "That is hardly enough evidence". "And there is this sign that reads, 'Welcome to the moon'". Sure enough, there is a sign on a rock inscribed with a welcome. "Well that is nice to put up a welcome sign. What if I couldn't read it"? "If you couldn't read it I would have made the proclamation myself in a language you are familiar with...assuming you have a language". In unison, the Lamassu and I say, "Who said that"? "I did of course. Focus your attention down here". About two foot tall, pocked and slightly green adorned only with a pocket watch that was tucked neatly into a crease in her jeans stood a talking stone. She was leaning slightly on the welcome sign with a craggy grin and broad, oval eyes. "You are a rock"! "I am olivine basalt. You may call me Olive". "Pleased to make your acquaintance Olive. We have walked to the moon to go to the golden faire and meet the old man and perhaps find our missing flying man". "Why didn't you just fly?" "We wanted to try something new". "Oh, then you have come to the right place! The Moon was full, so she shook and shook. And out came forth with jittery looks Men and creatures from long lost books Slowly, her shaking certainly waned The Men and creatures feared again That her shaking would return anew So the Men flew off to the land of blue The creatures, they wanted to leave too But they could not decide what to do The Moon was so tired she took her seat She was so hungry she knew she must eat So she decided to eat the creatures she found The creatures then panicked and scampered around They ran, jumped and scurried until they started to wheeze When one came upon a grizzled old man So ancient was he that he could not have ran Why do you run creature, why do you wheeze? Old man, do you know of a way to appease The Moon, for her great hunger we can only tease Have you tried feeding her all this green cheese? Green cheese? That is a myth, I had hoped for some aid A myth can be true if well enough said And with that his plan was well laid He gathered a wagon and filled it with dust. He instructed the creatures to pull it with lust Lead the cart to the Lunar Lady and speak of it so As a vessel of victuals of the most savory cheese known With flavors most regal, texture to please The Moon will accept them because she's so lean Tell her the flavors come forth when it's green Then slowly, then faster, leave her feasting, just shoo! Feasting on green cheese and a tall draft of dew Thus the Lunar Lady lunged for the morsels of cheese And waxed full again and the creatures were pleased They scooped up the old man and made him their king In his honor they celebrate their golden faire fling. We applaud Olive's song as it richly deserved. "Olive, when can we go to the golden faire"? "Anyone can go to the golden faire. It is not a question of when, but where. We are on the dark side of the moon. I'm afraid there's not much to see". "So where do we go"? "Follow me. You must travel between the dark side and light, to the place blended equally with both of their lights. We must travel to Cinereo". "I have never heard of Cinereo". "Oh Cinereo has heard of you, I offer with certitude. It is the land of shadows. The gray world between dark and light. If you look out of the corner of your eye you will see the trail clearly marked. Do not tarry or stray from the path or you may become lost in between the places that are and are not. I do not have the time to look for you if that happens. Stay focused"! What else could we do? My Lamassu, Olive the talking rock and I follow the path out of the corner of our eye to the land of Cinereo. Hopefully we will not be late for the golden faire. This is no longer a dream. I must see the journey through wherever it takes me. My mother would never believe this anyway. -Cinereo- These are the recipients of the Dean's List Award in Metro for October 2013.
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