Now Mattie is not a normal dog as some of you may know. She pees by standing on her front legs and swinging her back legs in front of her. The rocket power motion of her urine stream helps her maintain balance and the hand stand looks impressive to all the pet owners who wish they had a Jack Russell Terrier like her.
Both clinicians are eager to see Mattie's talent. So off we go. I have Mattie on the leash, the two clinicians including the phony phlebotomist are following behind. One of the clinicians carries a flashlight to spot the urine in the dark, the other carries a strange device which looks like a squeeze mop without the sponge with a plastic ice cream sundae cup attached to the base. I stare at it in fascination. Both girls swear the device works. We don't have to wait too long and Mattie posts up into a handstand when...
"Whoa! What the hell are you doing lady? " Mattie, drops out of the handstand like a gymnast standing on an ice rink and looks back at the clinician like she just received an alien probe.
The clinician looks at Mattie. "Poor thing, she must have no idea what that was."
"Oh I know what it was, and if you try to jamb that thing into my vagina again you will find out where the term bitch slap originated!
A tad distrustful, Mattie slowly ambles off, lifting one foot at a time in almost robotic form as if to say, you think I was acting odd before, now you are in for a show!
Meanwhile the clinicians are trying to keep the flashlight on Mattie and the pee-pole close to business without looking close.
Mattie seems to catch on to what is happening and speeds up to about thirty miles per hour.
Finally she finds just the right smell among the fallen maple leaves and drops into her handstand.
The entire act lasts three seconds.
"Did you miss it?" I ask.
The clinicians harmonize with glee, "WE GOT IT!!! WE GOT IT!!!"
"Really??" I ask.
"Oh yes, look in the cup!"
We all look into the cup and there like golden sunshine is the prize. We all smile like idiots and thank Mattie.
Mattie looks at us and asks, "What the hell just happened?"
Not getting a proper answer from us, she heads back inside and waits