Beginning October 1st we will be rolling out a number of new changes that you do not want.
1. Friends: We are eliminating the concept of friends. Who needs them? All they do is bitch and moan about their pets, children or significant other. The new Farcebook will have a Minions button. This button will float around the screen staying just out of the reach of your mouse. If you do manage to click on a Minion that person is now your slave and must do your bidding as long as you pay us 50 Farcebook credits per month.
2. Favorites. We are eliminating favorites because quite frankly we at Farcebook don't care what you like. Favorites will be replaced by the Farcebook ad page. Honestly if you are not paying for our ads, why the hell are you using our website?
3. Groups. We are eliminating all groups because people can join them and say what they want which is not our intention of Farcebook. Who needs a One Million People for Herpes group anyway? From now on if you want to gather somewhere, you will be directed to the Farcebook Ad site or Farcebook Credit purchase link, determined randomly.
4. Chat. At Farcebook we think Chat is great, therefore we are going to instantly stream our 750 million members stream into a list of fast paced random conversations in every language plus pirate. This feature will fill approximately two-thirds of the screen real estate, three days per week. On the other days, determined randomly by our algorithm, you will get Rick Astley and Lawrence Welk videos on random shuffle.
5. Subscriptions. We never really wanted Subscriptions. Subscriptions are evil. The new Farcebook will have Conscriptions. The Conscription feature will allow you to press-gang any of your minions into your own domain for a 5% fee.
6. Profile. Profiles are now domains. You are lord and master of your domain as long as you pay 500 Farcebook credits to us every week and send us your nubile virgins. Domains can be revoked at any time per Terms of Service.
Terms of Service. Farcebook retains the right to own you and your family and friends. By logging into Farcebook you admit you probably lack the brains to find something constructive to do with your lives and you are most likely too lazy or foul smelling to talk to real people. Your pet is probably in charge of your domain and your credit card already belongs to us. Remember, your service is our priority.